You're Not Helping, Piglet

And neither are any of my readers.

While looking at my journal prompt list to see what today's journal prompt was, I realized that I stopped on 16 on the 17th (when I supposedly caught up). None of you said anything. :P

Anyway. It's been long week in Houston (ba-dum-tis), so I'll forgive you.

17. A quote that inspires you. I really miss Doctor Who. I miss the adventures and wonderful nuggets of wisdom like this quote:

18. A mistake that helped you grow.  I made the mistake of not holding people in my personal life to higher standards and allowing them to treat me as a sub-par friend or family member. I'd been asked for years why I bothered with people who don't make the same effort back. I'd responded that I would rather have a crappy relationship instead of none at all. I learned what a mistake that was. I shouldn't have been so surprised when people acted the way they did after having acted similarly for years. I've grown to realize that I, like everyone else, have limited time and it should only be spent on those who respect and care for me.

19. When you feel the most rested.  Man, I don't know the last time I felt rested. I've had trouble sleeping and I've also spent days just sleeping... I've still felt tired.

I suppose the last time I wasn't feeling horribly stressed and was able to just relax and rest was during my 2016 summer La Jolla, California trip. No one in my family was terribly sick, no one had died, everything was just okay in the world. I enjoyed watching the ocean waves from my hotel rooms (which were all chosen for their views). It was nice to sit and just be in the quiet of my room, watching the ocean.

I suppose, to answer the question, I feel the most rested when I know the people who mean the most to me are okay. Then I can relax and rest.




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In Love = Obsession, Real Love = Life

In an Amazon shopping spree, I picked up a new book about a week ago, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman.  One of my friends had mentioned the book to me a good 4 or 5 years ago and I'd meant to pick it up ever since.

Reading through the first 40 pages or so, I was surprised at what I had read.  Chapman shares that the first two years of a relationship are the "in-love," or obsession stage.  He sites a vast amount of research which shows that people do not act in their sane mind during those first two years of a relationship.  Each person will be hyper-focused on their new love, try to spend as much time as possible around each other, and basically do anything they can possibly think of for the other person.

This is what has led to the common perception of what love should be like.  Movies, books, television shows, pictures with quotes posted over them all over the internet - they're built on this ideal of romance.

However, as Chapman points out, and I'm sure more people than just me have realized, it's only a temporary state of mind.  After two years (sometimes longer, in the case of secret relationships, says Chapman), a person starts returning to normal.

They start to notice the things their friends and family have pointed out about their significant other.

They start to be annoyed more often with their mate, and they often start wishing things would go back to the way they were in the beginning of their relationship.  It may even get to the point where there are fights over wanting things to go back to the way they were.

This is unrealistic because the only way things work perfectly in the beginning is because we are stuck in a state of psychological euphoria.  "Oh, I know he doesn't shave everyday, his stubble is cute," and "Save the vacuuming for tomorrow, let's spend more time together," turns into "Ugh, I just wish he'd care about his appearance," and "I don't understand why she can't vacuum and move on with her day."

The book says all hope is not lost for relationships because real love can be built after the in-love stage is over.  Real love doesn't just happen, it's something people have to work towards.  It's realizing that life is not perfect (because we're no longer delusionally happy) and that to stay in a loving relationship you have to make an effort to make sure the one you're with is happy.  Hopefully, that person will return the favor.  The idea here is to do things for the other person to make them happy because you find fulfillment and happiness in making them happy - not because you'll get anything in return.

My point in sharing this is that it was a real eye-opener to me.  I've been in a handful of long term relationships which hit and passed the 2 year mark.  The break ups were always bad.  I couldn't figure out how things could go from being "perfect" to each of us constantly being irritated or upset with the other.  Looking back on these relationships, or even my current relationship, it's accurate that around the 2 year mark, things started losing the love-struck haze of absolute happiness and becoming high-definition real.

The two things I learned so far:
1. It's how you deal with reality once the haze wears off that is important.
2. Never, ever make long term decisions within that initial 2 year period.