My Midlife Crisis

After taking a moment to sit back and consider my life, I realized that I am having a midlife crisis.  Really, there's no need to panic - I think all of my "crazy" is actually what most would call normal.

When my mother had her midlife crisis, she bought tap shoes, a baton, and a hoola hoop.  She wore said shoes to work.  (I may need a pair...)

They looked something like these, if I recall correctly.

My midlife crisis looks like gardening, buying stocks instead of more shoes, planning out meals, and doing The Big Purge.  I'm not sure which one surprises me more.

As previously posted, I bought plants while out of my right mind.  12 out of 12 of the plants (Blue Hostas) in the front yard are happy and thriving.  The two butterfly trees I purchased are doing okay in the back yard.  I ordered 6 more plants - Mandarin Honeysuckle and Gardenia "frost proof" shrubs.   I really want a watering can and new water hoses. (WHO HAVE I BECOME?!)

I decided to start playing with the stock market.  Instead of buying more shoes I won't wear (I have over 60 pairs and rarely wear anything other than my tennies), I decided to buy stock.  I have no idea what I am doing, but I do know that I've already lost 42 cents in my first week of stock ownership.  It's bullshit, I say.

 While I was in El Paso, I bought a chalkboard weekly menu board with the intention of meal planning.  We typically go out 4/7 nights a week, with the remaining three spent ordering take out or fast food.  In an effort to increase our bank account balances and decrease our waistlines, the decision was made to eat in more often.

The Big Purge has begun.  I am a (recovering) make-up hoarder.  It took me two hours and several trash bags to clear out 2 of my make-up drawers.  I'm not done.  Next up will be my closet.  After that, the craft closet and office (summer project - gonna need time for that one).  

I don't know about most people's midlife crises, but I'm thinking it might be a good thing if mine become regular habits.

Nocturnal Gardening, Shovel Services, and the Mosquito Den of Creation

I know that had a fever and/or was highly medicated when I decided it would be a good idea to order live plants on the Internet.  I was in crazy mode and ordered all sorts of things for DIY house plans!  I also ordered wallpaper.  That's another story for another day.

I selected the plants based on the fact that the sale said that they would tolerate lots of water or drought (this equals I can ignore them).  Also, they're blue plants.

They're "Cool Blue Mix Hosta" plants, whatever that means.

They arrived yesterday with the instructions to plant immediately.  I've been really sick lately and Dan is still sick, which meant the planting had to be soon, but not immediately as suggested.  Dan and I set out for garden soil, gloves, a tiny shovel, and a kickboard to save my aging knees (32 is hard!).

By the time we got home from the store, it was after 9 pm and dark.  I sent Dan inside because he has the death plague.  I grabbed a rather large shovel and set out to work.

Let me sidebar for a moment - I've joked/"joked" with one of my friends for years that she has unlimited "shovel services" since we're such good friends.  This translates to I'll bury whomever she needs me to bury when the time comes.  I suppose, before tonight, I'd never really used a shovel seriously.  IT'S A LOT OF WORK.  While I know it will definitely mean more loose ends if we have to hire outside help for shovel services, that's where we are.  I had a hard enough time digging up the soil in the planters by my front door to mix it with the gardening soil.  I absolutely doubt my abilities to dig a large hole.  So, all shovel services are officially cancelled.

Must be great at digging holes

Back to my nocturnal gardening adventure.  I managed to get 2 of the 4 bags of soil put out and mixed in with the stuff that was already there.  I planted the dang live root plant things.  I watered them.  I cleaned up (most of) my mess.  

All the while, I was thinking that it was amazing that I was not being bothered by the legions of mosquitoes which guard my front door.  Anyone who has been to my house knows that the front door area of my house is the Mosquito Den of Creation - where all mosquitoes come from.  They swarm even when it is chilly.

The entire time I was out there, not a single mosquito even came near enough for me to hear its high pitched buzz.  I was seriously impressed by the bracelet things I bought from Big Lots for $0.95 each.  I bought two and stuck one on each wrist.  Totally worked.  I highly recommend these things if you're going to exist in the outside world with mosquitoes.  

Buy these!  Buy all of these if you see them!  They work!

I'll update at some point with pictures of the plants, should they ever actually grow into things with leaves.  For now, I am going to go celebrate my nocturnal gardening accomplishments with some Easter clearance blue Peeps.

In Love = Obsession, Real Love = Life

In an Amazon shopping spree, I picked up a new book about a week ago, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman.  One of my friends had mentioned the book to me a good 4 or 5 years ago and I'd meant to pick it up ever since.

Reading through the first 40 pages or so, I was surprised at what I had read.  Chapman shares that the first two years of a relationship are the "in-love," or obsession stage.  He sites a vast amount of research which shows that people do not act in their sane mind during those first two years of a relationship.  Each person will be hyper-focused on their new love, try to spend as much time as possible around each other, and basically do anything they can possibly think of for the other person.

This is what has led to the common perception of what love should be like.  Movies, books, television shows, pictures with quotes posted over them all over the internet - they're built on this ideal of romance.

However, as Chapman points out, and I'm sure more people than just me have realized, it's only a temporary state of mind.  After two years (sometimes longer, in the case of secret relationships, says Chapman), a person starts returning to normal.

They start to notice the things their friends and family have pointed out about their significant other.

They start to be annoyed more often with their mate, and they often start wishing things would go back to the way they were in the beginning of their relationship.  It may even get to the point where there are fights over wanting things to go back to the way they were.

This is unrealistic because the only way things work perfectly in the beginning is because we are stuck in a state of psychological euphoria.  "Oh, I know he doesn't shave everyday, his stubble is cute," and "Save the vacuuming for tomorrow, let's spend more time together," turns into "Ugh, I just wish he'd care about his appearance," and "I don't understand why she can't vacuum and move on with her day."

The book says all hope is not lost for relationships because real love can be built after the in-love stage is over.  Real love doesn't just happen, it's something people have to work towards.  It's realizing that life is not perfect (because we're no longer delusionally happy) and that to stay in a loving relationship you have to make an effort to make sure the one you're with is happy.  Hopefully, that person will return the favor.  The idea here is to do things for the other person to make them happy because you find fulfillment and happiness in making them happy - not because you'll get anything in return.

My point in sharing this is that it was a real eye-opener to me.  I've been in a handful of long term relationships which hit and passed the 2 year mark.  The break ups were always bad.  I couldn't figure out how things could go from being "perfect" to each of us constantly being irritated or upset with the other.  Looking back on these relationships, or even my current relationship, it's accurate that around the 2 year mark, things started losing the love-struck haze of absolute happiness and becoming high-definition real.

The two things I learned so far:
1. It's how you deal with reality once the haze wears off that is important.
2. Never, ever make long term decisions within that initial 2 year period.

Unsupervised

Dan had to work late today.  While I dislike him being at work so late and having to work so much overtime... I have to admit... I kind of like being left unsupervised for a few hours.  

Usually, when I am left on my own for dinner, I'll eat popcorn.  I absolutely love all popcorn.  It could even be stale - I really don't care.  

While I have not yet attempted popcorning in this style, it appears to be the best idea since bendy straws.

One of my favorite places to eat popcorn has become the bathtub.  I'll pour in some bubble bath, set up my iPad, watch Netflix, and eat popcorn.  It's one of my happy places.

The last time Dan was going to be home after dinner, he asked I not eat just popcorn for dinner.  He knows me so well.  Instead, I ate Honey Nut Cheerios out of the box.  (I'm an adult!)

I find myself eating Cheerios from a box fairly frequently.  I'm terrible at remembering or making time to pack my lunch for school.  I don't have a terribly long lunch hour (it's more like 25 minutes), so going out to get fast food everyday is out of the question.  Sometimes I manage to run out and grab a burger.  However, I'm usually left to scrounge.  I keep some junk food in Narnia (my classroom closet).  Sometimes, I'll have enough change to get Pop Tarts from the snack machine.  Usually, though, I'll just munch on dry cereal from a box.  

Sometimes, when left to myself, I feel compelled to get all Do-It-Yourself.   This is never a good idea.  Though, that has rarely stopped me.  I'll just be sitting, thinking, "Hey, I wonder what is behind that wallpaper?" and just start going to town, ripping it off the wall.

The bathroom still doesn't have paint or new wallpaper...

I have since been banned from any more DIY home projects until I have fixed the bathroom.  This is a shame since I have discovered Disney wall paint, complete with LOTS of glitter.

An alternative to home destruction or pruning while popcorning which I like to indulge in is shopping.  This is sometimes a reasonable venture.  I try not to put myself in stores where I can cause too much damage to my bank account.  The dollar store is usually my best bet.  You'd be amazed what you can find at a dollar store!  There are some great stores near my school which sell school supplies and other things teachers may need.  I usually end up coming home with some sort of art supply or piece of junk I plan to glue shells or beads onto.  

Today, I went shoe shopping.  Therapeutic shoe shopping is/isn't a good idea for reasons I'm sure you can imagine.  That being said, I bought some great BOC cork wedges (I hate cork/wedges, but liked these...), and some Seychelles heels to match my 1920's dress for when I go see Gatsby.  

Most of the time, when I'm left alone, I end up just reading a book.  I love to read, so this works out for me quite well.  Speaking of which, I've got 7 books going right now (no lie, check my Goodreads profile) which I've got to work on.  Adios!

Book ADHD

I've heard people say they're in a "reading slump", where they just can't seem to pick up a book and get back into the swing of reading. I've been there. For about a year after college, I couldn't force myself to read a thing. Regardless of my slump, my compulsion to purchase books never dwindled. I would literally buy stacks of books and continue to stock my eBook library. Eventually, the slump died.

Book ADHD is the spastic answer to the reading slump. One does not necessarily follow the other, either. In fact, I wasn't in a slump before my BADHD set in this go around.

BADHD is what I call the phenomenon of being super excited about dozens of books to the point where, against better judgement, a person starts reading multiple books. When I say multiple books, I don't mean 2 or 3. I'm talking 14-26. It's absolutely uncontrollable. You just feel compelled to start reading another book. The other books aren't abandoned, they're just neglected. This is what brings on the guilt.

Not reading, abandoning or neglecting books are all bad juju. It's a 300 page, heavy drag on your soul. Multiply that with the number of books of someone suffering from BADHD and you find someone, like me, who is super excited about all things textual, yet absolutely depressed by the sheer number of pages weighing down on her soul.

I'm currently still in the denial phase: I can read them all. I will read them all. In fact, I'll read them all soon, so I can buy these 10 new titles and borrow this set from the library! *twitch*

The only recovery from BADHD is acceptance that it is impossible to read such an absurd amount of books at one time. I'm aware I have to choose 2 or 3 and power through them without the distraction of The List of Books I've started... I just haven't found the willpower to let go of the other books, even if it's just for a little while!

So, if you have a reader in your life, or you, yourself, are a reader, please take this as a warning: BADHD exists. Temper your excitement and hold tight onto your willpower. ONE BOOK AT A TIME! (Ok, or 2... Or 3...)

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Top 10 Things That Make Me Happy

While in El Paso, I watched a show with my mom where two celebrities listed the top 10 things that make them happy. Friends, family and health are givens. Here's my list followed by some explanations. What makes you happy?

1. Traveling
2. Having a great book to read
3. Writing
4. Game nights
5. Teaching
6. Someone singing to me
7. The smell of rain
8. Fountains
9. PJs
10. Crafting

Traveling - There is just something about leaving your life behind (not forgetting it, mind you) and seeing some place new. It's the adventure of being out of your own element and in someone else's. Nothing compares to being able to travel and experience something new you would have never been able to if you had stayed in one place.




Having a Great Book to Read - The next best thing to traveling will always be having a great book to read. Done well, great writing transports the reader to amazing places, real or not. I've been given some flack for reading mostly fiction or humorous non-fiction; told that it is second best to reading to learn. I whole heartedly object to the idea that reading fiction is not reading to learn. Fiction teaches the human condition.




Writing - Though I've lost touch with much more than blog writing lately, it still makes me very happy. It's like watching TV (which I don't do much of at all) or reading a great book, but with the ability to control where the story goes. I can create all sorts of adventures and choose where they go and how they get there. It's better than dreaming.




Game Nights - Growing up, my family played board and card games together. We are all competitive by nature. I love getting together with my friends or family for games. The games are really secondary to the laughter and fun of being around great people.




Teaching - I'm probably the only teacher on the planet who hates summer vacation. True, I get to travel. There is that, and I'm grateful for having the time to travel. However, I miss the kids. I miss bringing new ideas to them in fun and interesting ways and seeing them respond. They're also just dang fun to be around. It's truly the kids I loved about working at Disney. It's awesome I get to recreate that magic in a classroom.




Someone Singing to Me - It can be any song, even sung badly. Singing solo or along with the radio, making that connection lyrically, possibly emotionally (depending on the song) just makes me smile. It's like having my own personal rock star, performing just for me. Love it.




The Smell of Rain - It's the smell of the rain hitting the hot pavement (or sand in the desert) which hits you before the rain actually begins to fall that I love the most. The smell of the rain once it starts to fall isn't quite the same.




Fountains - No idea where I picked up my love for fountains. Even the most basic fountains draw me in. The more elaborate fountains absolutely enthrall me. I'm compelled to get in all of them... It's a serious battle of willpower not to.




PJs - I'm not talking about sexy nighties. I'm talking about super soft to the touch pants and matching tops, often with polka dots or absurd prints. At the end of the day, it's fantastic to slip into a pair of PJs and relax. My mother used to buy me PJs every time I was sick. They always brought me comfort and made me happy.




Crafting - It's about the challenge, not necessisarily the finished product. Trying new crafts, gluing, twisting, sewing, hammering things together to create something new is always something I'm willing to do. I'll see something and think, "I can make that." It's the process of trying to figure out how to do it, then actually doing it that I like most about crafting.

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3 Random Prompts - Sounds, Drunken Episode, Adventures in Space

For fun, I bought a book entitled, 642 Things to Write About. I asked my Facebook friends to choose 3 numbers, promising to write about whatever prompts followed their numbers. These are the results:

 

576 - Sitting in a single location for 20 minutes, take notes focusing exclusively on the sounds you can hear.

It sounds like a rustling leaf. Ticking dryly across the tile floor, edge over edge at sporadic intervals. Every now and then, it pauses, the sound replaced by tiny padded feet tapping lightly along the tile. When the soft pattering stops, the sound kicks up once again, beginning with the sound of the dry leaf hitting the tile from a fair height.

In the background, cicadas buzz their summery, evening hymn, rising and falling with the breeze. The only breeze audible near me is that produced by the ceiling fan. The light pull-chain clinks gently against the fan motor, which hums softly, in even, drawn out intervals.

The rustling has stopped, replaced by incessant licking, a rough brushing through soft fur, hitting the sticker the cat had been knocking around like a leaf. Moira desperately licks, her tongue scraping across the edge of the paper, slowly tearing off the sticker. With a slow suction noise, the sticker peels off her fur and hits the tile once again with a thin ticking. The padding of her steps grow quieter as she walks away.

 

289 - Another drunken episode.

"What? No. We are not doing that." Wearing leggings and boots to the bar had been the first bad decision of the evening. Responding to the arse at the bar who asked if I thought I was a super hero or something was likely the second. I was on my way to my third.

Ignoring the ever wise words of my friend Cate, I continued to make my way out of the bar. "It's okay, dude, I still have Halloween stuff in my trunk. I'm pretty sure I've got a mask and a cape. Trust me."

Cate sighed loudly, obviously not as inebriated as I, and stomped after me to the car. "Why do I have to be the bad guy?" She leaned against the green Honda Civic as I dug through the trunk.

"Duh, because both of us can't be superheroes. Someone needs to kidnap the girl and tie her to the railroad tracks." I grabbed the black Zorro mask my buddy Jack had returned and tied it on quickly as Cate stood staring, her mouth slightly agape in shock.

"We are not tying anyone to the railroad tracks." She crossed her arms, not bothering to catch either the orange Ninja Turtle eye mask or the black, floor length cape I'd tossed at her.

Frowning, I turned my attention from the trunk to her. Slowly, I grinned. "What if we tied Greg to the tracks?" It would take some convincing, but I was sure I could get Greg to play along. Cate has had a thing for Greg ever since her second year of college.

Cate barely considered before grabbing the cape and mask. "Now, you're talking," she grinned as she suited up.

"Great! Now help me find the cowboy lasso so we have some rope." What could possibly go wrong?

 

5 - You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.

Captain's log, 7/13/2178, 20:56. Won at Risk against the Martians again. It's really not fair. They don't quite understand the concept of divide and conquering. That and they just can't keep control of Europe. I'm worried they might start to take it personally and decide to take over Earth for real. Must figure out how to read Martian emotions.

I'm not entirely sure what it was that I had for lunch while gaming with the Martians. All I know is that it moved before, during and after being cooked. I keep trying to tell myself it tasted like chicken. Went back to the space station and promptly ate all of the freeze dried strawberries to get the "chicken" taste out of my mouth.

It's video night at the space station tonight and my turn to choose what to watch. I'm thinking something archaic, like Galaxy Quest. I'm sure the Martians would get a kick out of that. Maybe follow up with some Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes for good measure. I'm curious what their take on the Borg will be. I'm more curious about whether or not they'll like popcorn.

 

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