It's All Poop

I hate to use the same meme base in two blogs, back to back, but whatever.  This best described my day.

The journal prompt for the day is: Describe your day in ten words.

1 & 2 - Dragon poop
3 & 4 - Cat poop
5 - Sick
6 & 7 - Boring shopping
8 - CHORES
9 - Tears
10 - Cranky

I guess today was both a good day and a bad day.  I'd rate it a solid 6/10.  I woke up and got ready at a reasonable hour, regardless that it was my last day of winter break, to go see my new doctor - Dr. Hotty McHotface.  I've had sinus and lung issues for about 2 weeks which had not been improving on its own. 

Before heading out, I decided to make good on my promise to the husband to clean the cat box.  For two cats, there was way too much poop in that box.  Maybe the weight loss kibble is working?  Maybe the husband is using the box too?  Who knows. 

As I was washing my hands, I heard the bearded dragon start pacing around her terrarium.  I went to investigate.  Now, the dragon is poop shy.  She will avoid pooping when someone is watching.  Today I discovered that she will stop, MID-POOP, if someone is watching.  She froze. She looked at me, I looked at her.  Disgusted, I went off to get cleaning supplies.  I came back to a dragon poop explosion.  Sometimes I hate her so much.

I finally made it to my appointment with Dr. Hotty McHotface.  He was super nice and straightforward.  I don't have the death-plague, so I have to go to work.  

After grabbing Chicken Fries from Burger King (they make me happy), I decided to brave the Walmart Neighborhood near my house.  It wasn't bad, which led to me doing more shopping than I had planned.  I guess the fancy cottage cheese with fruit mix-ins counts as therapeutic shopping.  I'm still counting this as a No Spend day in my n-bujo-jo.  I even remembered to pick up bacon for the instant bacon maker my mom sent me.  We'll try that another day.

As I pulled up into the garage, I broke down crying over my dad.  I don't even know what triggered me.  I tried to pull myself together, but couldn't quite get myself to stop.  It hits me hard when it hits me that he is really gone.  It's so easy to tell myself that he is just doing his thing - going to work, then heading off to the lake for the weekend.  I don't know why I'm breaking down randomly.

In an attempt to pull myself out of it, I did a bunch of chores around the house.  The husband was visibly pleased (actually smiled at my accomplished tasks) when he got home.  Making myself busy helped.

I'm just cranky at this point.  Not sure why.  I've made myself a coffee, Sadie is curled up behind me, acting as a kitty heating pad, dishes are done, laundry is almost done (early! Not even waiting until Sunday!)... but still.  I'm ready to start another day.

2018 - Let's Do This

When I was thinking about arbitrary New Year resolutions I could gleefully decimate or habits I could track in my fancy new non-bullet journal journal (n-bujo-jo, for the hip), I remembered that I have a blog.  I also remembered that I loved writing and I haven't done much of it in a very long time.

Armed with 365 prompts and endless electronics which connect to the intarwebz, I find myself with no excuse not to blog. So, here we go.

Also, I'm making up for Monday because I already skipped day one (HA).

Jan. 1 - What are you most looking forward to?

Positive change.  I need to be more mindful of the things I do and how they effect me mentally, physically, and financially.  Yes, this all sounds like work, but holy cats, it's about dang time.

I've been watching some of my friends set up their fancy bujos (bullet journals).  I started pinning ideas I liked for my own bujo.  My wonderful mother, though confused by my request for pens and markers for Christmas, bought me what I asked for.

I set out to make my own bujo.  After several days of frustration and stress (this thing was supposed to make my life better, not more stressful), I gave up.  I mean, really, I can't even handle the stress of adult coloring books.  I can't imagine what made me think I would find peace/happiness/whatever-it-is-you're-supposed-to-find by making one of these things.

In a random retail therapy trip to Hobby Lobby, I discovered their Create 365 - The Happy Planner line of planner things.

Now, I put everything of importance on my Google/MS Office Calendars.  If it needs to be done, or someone needs me somewhere at a particular time, it goes there.  Then I get reminders on my myriad of connected devices.  I have no need for an actual planner for things like that.

However, these things have stickers.  LOTS of stickers.  I like stickers.

So, I bought a mini planner and an obscene amount of stickers (thousands...).  I also bought more pens because I found some which were glittery and my world needs a little more shine right now.

My mother thought I was crazy for numbering each day of the year on my new calendar.  I know you can buy calendars with the days already labeled for you, but this one has STICKERS for each day!

I've put a few different things on the sideline under "Notes" that I intend to track: Blogged, No Spend, No Sugar, Cooked at Home, etc.  

I'm hoping this new toy keeps me entertained enough to keep to these resolutions/goals.

Jan. 2 - Three goals for this month.

I feel less bad for starting this blogging thing on day 2 as opposed to day 1 since the prompt is connected.

One of my main goals I'm tracking in my n-bujo-jo is No Spend - my goal to spend less on stupid (though fun) stuff.  So far, so good.  I fear I'll just save up everything I want to buy and buy it all at once so it looks like I've made progress in my n-bujo-jo... We'll see.

A huge goal is to start renovations on my bathroom.  Our bathroom had to be torn out completely due to mold and moisture in the insulation in the walls.  It's unrelated to Harvey, but it occurred at the same time.  Let's just say the people who flipped our house before we bought it deserve whatever poor karma comes their way.  

Finally, I need to get my eyes checked.  My old glasses work ok... but not well enough for me to want to bother with them.  

My Midlife Crisis

After taking a moment to sit back and consider my life, I realized that I am having a midlife crisis.  Really, there's no need to panic - I think all of my "crazy" is actually what most would call normal.

When my mother had her midlife crisis, she bought tap shoes, a baton, and a hoola hoop.  She wore said shoes to work.  (I may need a pair...)

They looked something like these, if I recall correctly.

My midlife crisis looks like gardening, buying stocks instead of more shoes, planning out meals, and doing The Big Purge.  I'm not sure which one surprises me more.

As previously posted, I bought plants while out of my right mind.  12 out of 12 of the plants (Blue Hostas) in the front yard are happy and thriving.  The two butterfly trees I purchased are doing okay in the back yard.  I ordered 6 more plants - Mandarin Honeysuckle and Gardenia "frost proof" shrubs.   I really want a watering can and new water hoses. (WHO HAVE I BECOME?!)

I decided to start playing with the stock market.  Instead of buying more shoes I won't wear (I have over 60 pairs and rarely wear anything other than my tennies), I decided to buy stock.  I have no idea what I am doing, but I do know that I've already lost 42 cents in my first week of stock ownership.  It's bullshit, I say.

 While I was in El Paso, I bought a chalkboard weekly menu board with the intention of meal planning.  We typically go out 4/7 nights a week, with the remaining three spent ordering take out or fast food.  In an effort to increase our bank account balances and decrease our waistlines, the decision was made to eat in more often.

The Big Purge has begun.  I am a (recovering) make-up hoarder.  It took me two hours and several trash bags to clear out 2 of my make-up drawers.  I'm not done.  Next up will be my closet.  After that, the craft closet and office (summer project - gonna need time for that one).  

I don't know about most people's midlife crises, but I'm thinking it might be a good thing if mine become regular habits.

Nocturnal Gardening, Shovel Services, and the Mosquito Den of Creation

I know that had a fever and/or was highly medicated when I decided it would be a good idea to order live plants on the Internet.  I was in crazy mode and ordered all sorts of things for DIY house plans!  I also ordered wallpaper.  That's another story for another day.

I selected the plants based on the fact that the sale said that they would tolerate lots of water or drought (this equals I can ignore them).  Also, they're blue plants.

They're "Cool Blue Mix Hosta" plants, whatever that means.

They arrived yesterday with the instructions to plant immediately.  I've been really sick lately and Dan is still sick, which meant the planting had to be soon, but not immediately as suggested.  Dan and I set out for garden soil, gloves, a tiny shovel, and a kickboard to save my aging knees (32 is hard!).

By the time we got home from the store, it was after 9 pm and dark.  I sent Dan inside because he has the death plague.  I grabbed a rather large shovel and set out to work.

Let me sidebar for a moment - I've joked/"joked" with one of my friends for years that she has unlimited "shovel services" since we're such good friends.  This translates to I'll bury whomever she needs me to bury when the time comes.  I suppose, before tonight, I'd never really used a shovel seriously.  IT'S A LOT OF WORK.  While I know it will definitely mean more loose ends if we have to hire outside help for shovel services, that's where we are.  I had a hard enough time digging up the soil in the planters by my front door to mix it with the gardening soil.  I absolutely doubt my abilities to dig a large hole.  So, all shovel services are officially cancelled.

Must be great at digging holes

Back to my nocturnal gardening adventure.  I managed to get 2 of the 4 bags of soil put out and mixed in with the stuff that was already there.  I planted the dang live root plant things.  I watered them.  I cleaned up (most of) my mess.  

All the while, I was thinking that it was amazing that I was not being bothered by the legions of mosquitoes which guard my front door.  Anyone who has been to my house knows that the front door area of my house is the Mosquito Den of Creation - where all mosquitoes come from.  They swarm even when it is chilly.

The entire time I was out there, not a single mosquito even came near enough for me to hear its high pitched buzz.  I was seriously impressed by the bracelet things I bought from Big Lots for $0.95 each.  I bought two and stuck one on each wrist.  Totally worked.  I highly recommend these things if you're going to exist in the outside world with mosquitoes.  

Buy these!  Buy all of these if you see them!  They work!

I'll update at some point with pictures of the plants, should they ever actually grow into things with leaves.  For now, I am going to go celebrate my nocturnal gardening accomplishments with some Easter clearance blue Peeps.

In Love = Obsession, Real Love = Life

In an Amazon shopping spree, I picked up a new book about a week ago, "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts" by Gary Chapman.  One of my friends had mentioned the book to me a good 4 or 5 years ago and I'd meant to pick it up ever since.

Reading through the first 40 pages or so, I was surprised at what I had read.  Chapman shares that the first two years of a relationship are the "in-love," or obsession stage.  He sites a vast amount of research which shows that people do not act in their sane mind during those first two years of a relationship.  Each person will be hyper-focused on their new love, try to spend as much time as possible around each other, and basically do anything they can possibly think of for the other person.

This is what has led to the common perception of what love should be like.  Movies, books, television shows, pictures with quotes posted over them all over the internet - they're built on this ideal of romance.

However, as Chapman points out, and I'm sure more people than just me have realized, it's only a temporary state of mind.  After two years (sometimes longer, in the case of secret relationships, says Chapman), a person starts returning to normal.

They start to notice the things their friends and family have pointed out about their significant other.

They start to be annoyed more often with their mate, and they often start wishing things would go back to the way they were in the beginning of their relationship.  It may even get to the point where there are fights over wanting things to go back to the way they were.

This is unrealistic because the only way things work perfectly in the beginning is because we are stuck in a state of psychological euphoria.  "Oh, I know he doesn't shave everyday, his stubble is cute," and "Save the vacuuming for tomorrow, let's spend more time together," turns into "Ugh, I just wish he'd care about his appearance," and "I don't understand why she can't vacuum and move on with her day."

The book says all hope is not lost for relationships because real love can be built after the in-love stage is over.  Real love doesn't just happen, it's something people have to work towards.  It's realizing that life is not perfect (because we're no longer delusionally happy) and that to stay in a loving relationship you have to make an effort to make sure the one you're with is happy.  Hopefully, that person will return the favor.  The idea here is to do things for the other person to make them happy because you find fulfillment and happiness in making them happy - not because you'll get anything in return.

My point in sharing this is that it was a real eye-opener to me.  I've been in a handful of long term relationships which hit and passed the 2 year mark.  The break ups were always bad.  I couldn't figure out how things could go from being "perfect" to each of us constantly being irritated or upset with the other.  Looking back on these relationships, or even my current relationship, it's accurate that around the 2 year mark, things started losing the love-struck haze of absolute happiness and becoming high-definition real.

The two things I learned so far:
1. It's how you deal with reality once the haze wears off that is important.
2. Never, ever make long term decisions within that initial 2 year period.

Unsupervised

Dan had to work late today.  While I dislike him being at work so late and having to work so much overtime... I have to admit... I kind of like being left unsupervised for a few hours.  

Usually, when I am left on my own for dinner, I'll eat popcorn.  I absolutely love all popcorn.  It could even be stale - I really don't care.  

While I have not yet attempted popcorning in this style, it appears to be the best idea since bendy straws.

One of my favorite places to eat popcorn has become the bathtub.  I'll pour in some bubble bath, set up my iPad, watch Netflix, and eat popcorn.  It's one of my happy places.

The last time Dan was going to be home after dinner, he asked I not eat just popcorn for dinner.  He knows me so well.  Instead, I ate Honey Nut Cheerios out of the box.  (I'm an adult!)

I find myself eating Cheerios from a box fairly frequently.  I'm terrible at remembering or making time to pack my lunch for school.  I don't have a terribly long lunch hour (it's more like 25 minutes), so going out to get fast food everyday is out of the question.  Sometimes I manage to run out and grab a burger.  However, I'm usually left to scrounge.  I keep some junk food in Narnia (my classroom closet).  Sometimes, I'll have enough change to get Pop Tarts from the snack machine.  Usually, though, I'll just munch on dry cereal from a box.  

Sometimes, when left to myself, I feel compelled to get all Do-It-Yourself.   This is never a good idea.  Though, that has rarely stopped me.  I'll just be sitting, thinking, "Hey, I wonder what is behind that wallpaper?" and just start going to town, ripping it off the wall.

The bathroom still doesn't have paint or new wallpaper...

I have since been banned from any more DIY home projects until I have fixed the bathroom.  This is a shame since I have discovered Disney wall paint, complete with LOTS of glitter.

An alternative to home destruction or pruning while popcorning which I like to indulge in is shopping.  This is sometimes a reasonable venture.  I try not to put myself in stores where I can cause too much damage to my bank account.  The dollar store is usually my best bet.  You'd be amazed what you can find at a dollar store!  There are some great stores near my school which sell school supplies and other things teachers may need.  I usually end up coming home with some sort of art supply or piece of junk I plan to glue shells or beads onto.  

Today, I went shoe shopping.  Therapeutic shoe shopping is/isn't a good idea for reasons I'm sure you can imagine.  That being said, I bought some great BOC cork wedges (I hate cork/wedges, but liked these...), and some Seychelles heels to match my 1920's dress for when I go see Gatsby.  

Most of the time, when I'm left alone, I end up just reading a book.  I love to read, so this works out for me quite well.  Speaking of which, I've got 7 books going right now (no lie, check my Goodreads profile) which I've got to work on.  Adios!

Book ADHD

I've heard people say they're in a "reading slump", where they just can't seem to pick up a book and get back into the swing of reading. I've been there. For about a year after college, I couldn't force myself to read a thing. Regardless of my slump, my compulsion to purchase books never dwindled. I would literally buy stacks of books and continue to stock my eBook library. Eventually, the slump died.

Book ADHD is the spastic answer to the reading slump. One does not necessarily follow the other, either. In fact, I wasn't in a slump before my BADHD set in this go around.

BADHD is what I call the phenomenon of being super excited about dozens of books to the point where, against better judgement, a person starts reading multiple books. When I say multiple books, I don't mean 2 or 3. I'm talking 14-26. It's absolutely uncontrollable. You just feel compelled to start reading another book. The other books aren't abandoned, they're just neglected. This is what brings on the guilt.

Not reading, abandoning or neglecting books are all bad juju. It's a 300 page, heavy drag on your soul. Multiply that with the number of books of someone suffering from BADHD and you find someone, like me, who is super excited about all things textual, yet absolutely depressed by the sheer number of pages weighing down on her soul.

I'm currently still in the denial phase: I can read them all. I will read them all. In fact, I'll read them all soon, so I can buy these 10 new titles and borrow this set from the library! *twitch*

The only recovery from BADHD is acceptance that it is impossible to read such an absurd amount of books at one time. I'm aware I have to choose 2 or 3 and power through them without the distraction of The List of Books I've started... I just haven't found the willpower to let go of the other books, even if it's just for a little while!

So, if you have a reader in your life, or you, yourself, are a reader, please take this as a warning: BADHD exists. Temper your excitement and hold tight onto your willpower. ONE BOOK AT A TIME! (Ok, or 2... Or 3...)

Posted with Blogsy